Politics and Mental Health
/It saddens me how many of my clients tell me they are estranged from family or friends because of “politics”. Siblings essentially not speaking for months or years. Friendships ended. Fights on social media. How did we get here?
My parents spent the last several years of their lives at a continuing care retirement community. I was having lunch with them one day, probably in 2015, when one of their friends approached. This man had been career Army, ending his career as a General. My parents spoke of him often, touting his intelligence and wit.
This man said to me, “It is my goal to turn your parents into conservatives.” I laughed. My parents were diehard Democrats. I remember responding, “Well, I hope you are eating your kale, because you have years of work ahead of you!” We all chuckled and went about with lunch.
Conversations like that are sadly rare today. In many similar cases across the country, my parents and that General would likely not even sit at a table together, much less be friends. How can that possibly be a good thing?
A polarized or contentious political environment can heighten stress and anxiety among individuals. Constant news cycles and social media filled with conflict and division can lead to feelings of helplessness and overwhelm.
When we are fearful, our brains lose the ability to be reasonable. When we are fearful, we tend to fall into “us and them” thinking. Our fear drives our tendency to demonize people who do not think the way we do.
Here is what I know about politics and mental health:
• Too much news is not good for our mental health. When people tell me they have a news channel, any news channel, on all day, I know we are in trouble. People get paid a lot of money to keep us watching and keep us fearful. Limit news to 30-60 minutes per day. Then turn the TV off and get more exercise, and sunshine, and connection with others.
• Remember that political affiliation does not encompass our humanity. Why, the very woman who publishes this blog is opposite of me politically. Does that make her less human, less of a Mom, less of a friend? It does not.
There is a gentleman who frequents my favorite watering hole (Hi Dink!) who loves taking little jabs at me for my political beliefs. But he would also answer the phone and rescue me if I were stuck out on the water. He helped me sort out my fire inspection at the office here when I didn’t know one thing about regulations and fire codes. Our opposite political beliefs does not make him my enemy.
• In the words of the great Ted Lasso, “Be curious, not judgmental”. Let’s stop demonizing and belittling those who think differently than us and start having conversations that start with “Help me understand your thinking. “We do not have to convince those who think differently that we are right, and they are wrong. Our beliefs are so much more complex and nuanced than “right vs left” or “right vs wrong”.
In this stormy political season, with so much hate and war going on in the world around us, remember to smile at your neighbor and say hi, no matter what political sign she has in her yard. There is no downside to kindness. And as the Dalai Lama tells us, kindness is always possible.