Understanding Grief: There's No Right Way to Navigate Loss
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Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it remains deeply personal and unique to each individual. If you're struggling with loss—whether recent or anticipated—it's important to know that whatever you're feeling is valid, and there's no "correct" way to grieve.
Your Grief is Uniquely Yours
Despite what movies or well-meaning friends might suggest, grief doesn't follow a neat progression of stages. Some days you might feel angry, others overwhelmingly sad, and sometimes you might even feel moments of peace or joy—and that's completely normal. Grief can show up as physical exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite, or waves of emotion that seem to come from nowhere.
There's no timeline for healing. Some people begin to feel more like themselves after weeks, others after years. Your relationship with the person you've lost, your support system, your previous experiences with loss, and countless other factors all influence your journey. Resist the pressure to "move on" according to someone else's schedule.
When Grief Begins Before Death
For families caring for someone with dementia, grief often begins long before death occurs. This is called anticipatory grief, and it's a natural response to watching someone you love gradually slip away. You might find yourself mourning the person they used to be, the conversations you can no longer have, or the future you'd planned together.
Many caregivers feel guilty about grieving someone who's still alive, but this reaction is both common and healthy. You're not giving up on your loved one—you're processing very real losses as they happen. The vibrant parent who raised you, the spouse who was your closest confidant, the friend who shared your inside jokes—in many ways, dementia takes these relationships from us gradually.
Anticipatory grief can actually be protective, allowing you to begin processing your emotions and adjusting to changes while still having time with your loved one. It doesn't mean you love them any less or that you're wishing for their death. It means you're human.
Grief Isn't Linear
One of the most challenging aspects of grief is its unpredictability. You might have a good week followed by a terrible day, or feel like you're "over it" only to be blindsided by a memory or anniversary. This back-and-forth isn't a sign that you're not healing—it's simply how grief works.
Think of grief less like climbing a mountain with a clear summit and more like walking along a winding path. Sometimes you'll feel like you're making progress, other times you'll feel lost, and occasionally you'll find yourself in a beautiful clearing you didn't expect. All of these experiences are part of the journey.
Finding Support
Whether you're anticipating a loss or actively grieving, remember that you don't have to navigate this alone. Professional counseling can provide tools for managing difficult emotions and help you process your experience in a safe space. Support groups connect you with others who truly understand what you're going through. And sometimes, simply having a friend listen without trying to "fix" anything can be profoundly healing.
Grief changes us, but it doesn't have to define us. With time, support, and patience with yourself, it's possible to carry your love for someone alongside your loss, finding meaning and even moments of joy as you move forward.
Resources for grief support groups:
https://talbothospice.org/programs/bereavement/support-groups.html
https://compassregionalhospice.org/what-we-do/grief-support.html