Finding Your Way Through the Holidays

The holidays arrive each year with a peculiar kind of pressure. For some of us, the calendar fills up fast - parties, gatherings, obligations that pile on top of an already busy life. For others, the calendar stays stubbornly blank, and the silence feels louder than any celebration. Both experiences can be hard in their own way.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by invitations and expectations, give yourself permission to honor who you actually are. If you're an introvert, December doesn't magically change that. Saying yes to every gathering because you think you should will leave you depleted and resentful. It's okay to be selective. It's okay to choose one meaningful dinner over five exhausting parties. It's okay to leave early. Your energy matters, and protecting it isn't selfish - it's smart.

If your calendar is empty and loneliness is settling in, that's hard too. The holidays can amplify what we've lost or what we're missing. But a quiet season doesn't have to mean a meaningless one. Sometimes the most powerful connections happen outside traditional celebrations. 

Volunteering at a food bank or shelter puts you alongside others and reminds you that you have something to offer. Reaching out to someone else who's struggling - a phone call, a text, an invitation for coffee - creates connection for both of you. These small acts of reaching toward others can shift something inside us.

Grief shows up differently for everyone during the holidays. Maybe you've lost someone you love. Maybe your family doesn't gather the way it used to. Maybe your adult children are building their own traditions elsewhere, and the table feels too empty. It's natural to long for holidays past, to remember when things felt full and right. Those memories matter. They're worth honoring.

But here's the thing: when we spend all our energy wishing for what was, we miss what is. 

Resisting the present doesn't bring back the past - it just makes right now feel worse. Accepting that things have changed doesn't mean you're okay with the loss. It means you're making room for something different, maybe even something good, to exist alongside the sadness. You can hold both - gratitude for what was and openness to what might be.

This doesn't mean forcing yourself to feel festive or pretending everything's fine. It's okay to have a quiet holiday. It's okay to feel lonely. It's okay to grieve. We're wired to get through hard things, and sometimes getting through means simply showing up to the day in front of us without demanding that it look a certain way.

If you're already working with a therapist, this might be a good time to check in about whether you need more frequent sessions through the holidays. Don't minimize what's hard or try to power through on your own. Your therapist is there precisely for seasons like this. Be brutally honest about what you're struggling with - the loneliness, the grief, the pressure, whatever it is. And if you're not currently in therapy but finding it hard to function or the sadness feels unmanageable, reaching out for support makes sense. There's no shame in asking for help. In fact, it's one of the bravest things you can do.

However you're moving through this season - overwhelmed, lonely, grieving, or some combination of all three - be gentle with yourself. Honor your limits. Make space for connection where you can. Accept what is, even when it's not what you wanted. And remember that getting through is enough.