September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month: What We All Need to Know

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This is a topic I don't take lightly, and I suspect you don't either. Suicide touches more lives than most of us realize — and yet it remains one of the most misunderstood, stigmatized, and quietly devastating experiences a person or family can face. This September, in recognition of National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, I want to talk about it honestly, compassionately, and in a way that might actually help.

The Numbers We Need to Face

Suicide is a significant public health crisis in the United States. Each year, approximately 48,000 Americans die by suicide — that's roughly one death every eleven minutes. White adults men age 80 and older are at particular risk for suicide. For every death by suicide, there are many more attempts, and many more people living with suicidal thoughts in silence.

These statistics are not meant to overwhelm. They are meant to remind us that this is not a rare or distant problem. It is happening in our communities, in our families, and among people we love. Awareness is the first step toward change.

On the "Coward's Way Out"

I want to address something directly, because I think it causes real harm: the idea that suicide is a cowardly or selfish act. I understand where that reaction comes from — grief is complicated, and anger is a natural part of it. But I'd like to offer a different perspective, one rooted in what we actually know about the psychology of suicidal crisis.

People who take their own lives are not weak. They are not selfish. They are, in almost every case, experiencing a level of psychological pain so profound, so relentless, and so consuming that they have lost the ability to imagine it ever ending. Clinicians sometimes call this "psychic pain" — and it is as real and as debilitating as any physical agony. To reach that point requires not weakness, but an almost unimaginable degree of suffering.

If you have never experienced that depth of despair, please know that you are fortunate. And please extend to those who have — or to those we have lost — the same compassion you would offer someone dying of any other illness. Anger at someone who has died by suicide, while understandable, tends to complicate grief and deepen shame for the families left behind. Compassion — for the person who died, and for yourself — is a healthier and more healing path forward.

Recognizing the Signs and Showing Up for Someone You're Worried About

One of the most important things any of us can do is learn to recognize when someone we care about may be struggling. Warning signs that someone may be thinking about suicide can include talking about wanting to die or feeling like a burden to others, withdrawing from friends, family, and activities they used to enjoy, giving away meaningful possessions, saying goodbye in ways that feel final, increased use of alcohol or substances, dramatic mood changes — including a sudden calm after a period of deep depression, and expressing feelings of hopelessness or having no reason to live.

If you notice these signs in someone you love, the most important thing you can do is ask directly. Research consistently shows that asking someone if they are thinking about suicide does not plant the idea — it opens a door. You might say simply, "I've been worried about you. Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?" Then listen. Really listen, without rushing to fix or reassure.

Stay with them if you can. Help them connect with professional support. If you believe they are in immediate danger, call 988 — the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — or take them to the nearest emergency room. You do not have to handle this alone, and neither do they.

If You Have Lost Someone to Suicide

Grief after suicide loss is its own particular kind of pain. It carries with it not just the loss itself, but often a tangle of guilt, anger, confusion, and unanswerable questions. Why didn't I see it? What could I have done differently? Did they know how much I loved them?

I want to say this as clearly and as gently as I can: you are not responsible for another person's suicide. Even the most attentive, loving, present person in the world cannot always prevent it. Suicide is the result of a complex intersection of biology, mental illness, circumstance, and pain — not a failure of the people who loved someone.

Guilt is an almost universal part of suicide loss, and it deserves to be processed with care and support rather than carried alone. Give yourself permission to grieve in whatever way is true for you — including the anger, the confusion, and the love. Seek out a grief counselor or a support group specifically for suicide loss survivors, where you will find others who truly understand the particular weight of this kind of grief. You are not alone in this, even when it feels that way.

We Are Here

At Shore Neurocognitive and Behavioral Health, we provide psychotherapy and psychiatric medication management for adults age 20 and older, including support for depression, anxiety, grief, and the complex emotions that surround suicide loss and suicidal thinking. If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out. Visit us at snhealth.net or call 443-746-3698.

And if you or someone you know is in crisis right now, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Help is there.

Maggie Black, PsyD, Licensed Psychologist & Owner, SNBH